Small Bites For the Big Game #5: The 24,000 Calorie Snack Stadium

Okay, perhaps a 24,000 calorie snack stadium isn't technically a "small bite." But this edible Super Bowl stadium is constructed from a variety of popular snack foods, so in this case the whole is NOT greater than the sum of its parts. Which makes it akin to eating a lot of small bites. See my logic?

I'm blown away by this and had to post it. The good people at Holy Taco have come up with the self-proclaimed "Greatest Snack Food Stadium Ever Built." And after looking at this guac/salsa/queso dip football field with wiener/cheese players and Twinkies/chips/pretzels/Cheetos stadium, I have to agree. Seriously, just take a look at this snackalicious masterpiece:

Even better, you want to make it for your very own Super Bowl party? Here's how. If anyone does make it, I want a full report! I've got my hands full with about 50 sliders and 3 pounds of guacamole!

The Field:
  • 1 Pound of Guacamole
  • 15 Oz. Queso Dip for one end zone
  • 15 Oz. Salsa for the other end zone
  • 2 Oz. Sour Cream for the Field Lines
The Players:
  • 15 Vienna Sausages
  • Helmets - 3 Oz. Sharp Cheddar Cheese
The Goal Posts:
  • 1 Slim Jim for Each Goal Post
  • 1 Oz. Monterey Jack Cheddar To Anchor (each)
The Stands:
  • 58 Twinkies
  • 1 Pound of Bacon
  • 1 Bag of Nacho Cheese Doritos
  • 1 Bag of Cheetos
  • 1 Bag of Corn Tortilla Chips
  • 1 Bag of Chex Mix
The Blimp:
20 Oz. Football-Shaped Summer Sausage (optional) (on second thought, no, this isn't optional. Go buy one.)

Nutritional Info: You might not want to read this. I'm not kidding.
  • Total Calories: 24,375
  • Total Grams of Fat: 1,285
  • Total Cost: $86.47
  • Total Deliciousness: 1 Billion trillion, dude. One billion trillion.
Take one pound of guacamole and smear it on the center of a baking tray, leaving a section on either end for the end zones.

It's important here to fill one end zone with the salsa filling, and one end zone with the queso dip, so that neither team receives home field deliciousness.

Transfer sour cream to a piping bag or large Ziploc with one corner cut off (makeshift piping bag!) , then squeeze gently to make the yard lines across the field. You can even pipe on the numbers for the actual yard lines if you want!

Vienna sausages make delicious players, and tiny cheese wedge helmets help keep them from getting concussions. In my opinion, use the small end of a melon baller/scoop to create the cheese helmets. Two different types of cheese helps to distinguish the teams. The goal posts are made from cut up Slim Jim's that were adhered with tooth picks. Monterey Jack cheese was used as an anchor to keep them standing, with a tooth pick linking the two together.

Now that the field is finished, you can begin constructing the stadium around it, which you will also eat. Definitely do this on a large platter so you don't ruin your table top (e.g. Holy Taco's example below). You can make your stadium as large as you want, depending on how many Twinkies you have at your disposal. We had 58 but probably could have used 90. Use tooth picks to secure the Twinkies to one another. This outer stadium wall will provide a delicious dessert when the contents of the stadium have been eaten.

The bacon wall is the most important part of the stadium, because it keeps the throngs of screaming fans, in this case chips, from falling on the field, in this case the guacamole and salsa. And honestly, who doesn't love bacon? Hot or cold, it's a fan favorite. Insert tooth picks into the first row of Twinkies, and then weave the bacon in and out of them, so that it forms a pliable wall. It's easier to do this when the bacon is still warm and pliable, so you don't risk breaking it.

Without the fans, there would be no game. It's no different in your snack stadium, so select four different kinds of snacks to fill the stands. Be sure to use pieces of bacon to separate your crowd into sections, as you can see in the corners of the stadium in this photo.

As you can see, the chips give the feeling of a crowd of crazed fans. Especially the Cheetos, which can barely contain their excitement at Vienna Sausage Drew Brees and his delectable team.


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