Grab the Defibrillator: Denny's Intros "Let's Get Cheesy" Menu

Denny's has hit rock bottom. And apparently at the bottom of said bottom, there is a giant pool of melted cheese. Now, don't get me wrong. In my college days, Denny's really did the trick for late-night, "I-won't-remember-this-meal-tomorrow" drunk binges. Nothing hit the spot better than Moons Over My Hammy or the Grand Slamwich, especially when 20-year-old metabolism was able to power wash it all out of your arteries come 10am. But with the recent introduction of its "Let's Get Cheesy" menu, I just feel like Denny's has gone too far. Either that, or it has a surplus of Velveeta in its restaurant's pantries that it absolutely must use by the end of 2011.

My beef isn't that the calorie or fat gram count is too high. Then again, 101 grams of fat for the Winner Winner Cheesy Dinner (did they get permission from Guy Fieri to say that?) -- which includes two fried chopped beef steaks covered in Pepper Jack cheese sauce, a side of creamy Mac 'n Cheese and broccoli topped with cheese sauce -- might be overkill. Or it might just kill you on the spot. Either way, it's nasty.

But I digress... my real issue with this is that Denny's has completely trained Americans to eat fake food. What the hell is "cheese sauce" anyway? Does it have a hint of cheddar cheese? A whisper of Pepper Jack? Is it filled with hydrogenated oil or silicone? Does it follow after General Mills & Kraft by using cellulose (aka processed wood pulp) as a cheesy filler? Perhaps most importantly, why does it have to come "slathered" on broccoli, nothing more than an innocent veggie bystander? The saddest part is that this menu is no doubt going to be a hit, either as a result of sheer curiosity or from folks who just can't say no when the word slathered appears on a menu.

What's on the menu and exactly how bad is it for you? Here's a play-by-play of each of the "Let's Get Cheesy" menu items. Caution: Read at your own risk. You might want to pull out that defibrillator, just in case.

Denny's "Let's Get Cheesy" Menu

1. Mac ‘n Cheese Big Daddy Patty Melt

Introducing the ultimate in patty melts. A hand-pressed beef patty topped with our NEW creamy Mac ‘n Cheese, melted Cheddar cheese and zesty Frisco sauce on grilled potato bread. Served with a side of our wavy-cut French fries.

Nutritional Info:

Calories -- 1690

Fat -- 99 grams of fat

Trans Fat -- 1

Saturated Fat -- 36

Cholesterol -- 180

Sodium -- 2010

Carbohydrates -- 126

Fiber -- 7

Protein -- 64

Sugar -- 11

2. Cheesy Breakfast Sampler

Featuring a Cheddar smoked sausage and two eggs scrambled with Cheddar cheese. Served with hash browns topped with melted shredded Cheddar cheese and choice of bread.

Nutritional Info:

Calories -- 710

Fat -- 50 grams of fat

Trans Fat -- 0

Saturated Fat -- 20

Cholesterol -- 560

Sodium -- 1950

Carbohydrates -- 29

Fiber -- 2

Protein -- 36

Sugar -- 2

3. Cheese Please Omelette

Three-egg omelette with a blend of cheeses folded in. More cheese? You’ve got it. We top it off with creamy cheese sauce and diced tomatoes. Served with hash browns and choice of bread.

Nutritional Info:

Calories -- 800

Fat -- 57 grams of fat

Trans Fat -- 0

Saturated Fat -- 21

Cholesterol -- 780

Sodium -- 2090

Carbohydrates -- 34

Fiber -- 2

Protein -- 37

Sugar -- 4

4. The Big Cheese Country-Fried Steak & Eggs

A golden-fried chopped beef steak smothered in Pepper Jack cheese sauce. Served with hash browns topped with melted shredded Cheddar cheese, two eggs cooked any way you’d like and choice of bread. Big cheese indeed.

Nutritional Info:

Calories -- 1210

Fat -- 84 grams of fat

Trans Fat -- 2

Saturated Fat -- 34

Cholesterol -- 590

Sodium -- 2630

Carbohydrates -- 53

Fiber -- 5

Protein -- 59

Sugar -- 1

5. Winner Winner Cheesy Dinner

Two golden-fried chopped beef steaks covered in Pepper Jack cheese sauce. Served with a side of our NEW creamy Mac ‘n Cheese, broccoli topped with cheese sauce and dinner bread. This is one dish that truly lives up to its name.

Nutritional Info:

Calories -- 1520

Fat -- 101 grams of fat

Trans Fat -- 4

Saturated Fat -- 45

Cholesterol -- 25

Sodium -- 3330

Carbohydrates -- 77

Fiber -- 9

Protein -- 73

Sugar -- 5

6. Say Cheese Sizzlin’ Skillet

Flavorful blend of diced Cheddar smoked sausage, fire-roasted peppers and onions, grape tomatoes and seasoned red-skinned potatoes. Topped with shredded Cheddar cheese, cheese sauce and two eggs cooked any way you’d like.

Nutritional Info:

Calories -- 1120

Fat -- 84 grams of fat

Trans Fat -- 0

Saturated Fat -- 28

Cholesterol -- 900

Sodium -- 2790

Carbohydrates -- 41

Fiber -- 5

Protein -- 49

Sugar -- 9

7. Strawberry Pancake Puppies® with Cream Cheese Icing

Six bite-sized round pancakes made with strawberry and white chocolate chips. Sprinkled with powdered sugar and served with a side of cream cheese icing for dipping.

Nutritional Info:

Calories -- 670

Fat -- 20 grams of fat

Trans Fat -- 0

Saturated Fat -- 12

Cholesterol -- 25

Sodium -- 1200

Carbohydrates -- 114

Fiber -- 2

Protein -- 9

Sugar -- 64

8. Strawberry Cheesecake Milk Shake

Thick, creamy hand-dipped milk shake made with vanilla ice cream blended with strawberry topping, cream cheese and real cheesecake. Topped with a dollop of whipped cream.

Nutritional Info:

Calories -- 850

Fat -- 50 grams of fat

Trans Fat -- 0

Saturated Fat -- 29

Cholesterol -- 205

Sodium -- 450

Carbohydrates -- 84

Fiber -- 1

Protein -- 17

Sugar -- 70